ryan-and-frankie

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Subject: Ryan and Frankie Adventures Prologue This is a fictional story of a single dad and his young son and their adventures together. It imparts the feelings, desires, and deepest of bonds that many of us sought in childhood but never got by means of a very inappropriate relationship forged between a father and his abused son. It’s a story of love, sexual awakening, shame, and wonder. It by no means encourages acts of sexual violence against children but encourages us to use our imaginations as a tool for working through our ideas in a realm where anything can happen without consequences. And in that way it is a true story of two adults choosing to shed their skins and take on roles for one another that are so secret, so privileged, that they could only be recorded here. This is the living document of Ryan Marshall and his boy Frankie. Ryan was a man in his mid-thirties who had always thought he would have kids but here he was, nearing his 36th birthday, single, and no closer to making that life happen for himself. It was a punch to the gut to see families playing in the park, parents cutting up slices of pizza, elementary schools brimming at 11 o’clock recess.. his heart would race and then begin to ache just a little. One day a friend of his, who knew him well and had kids off their own asked him why he didn’t just adopt? Ryan realized izmit rus escort he had been so stuck on the idea of having his own kids, aspiring to the holy nuclear family, that he had always envisioned and was limiting himself to having a baby. But this friend pointing out the obvious was all it took to start shaping a new idea of what his family could look like. A child in need. A child without a home, just like him, an already wandering soul. He called an adoption agency the next morning and began to fill out paperwork. It was long, endless even! They wanted to know every detail of his life: where he had lived, how much money he made, if his home was child-proofed. He knew there was a lot more to raising a child than how he looked on paper but he couldn’t help but feeling there were a lot better applicants than him. Families with two parents, straight parents with a mom and a dad. All the things he read stated the agency didn’t discriminate against single parents or gay folks but they had to say that, didn’t they? Appearances. He got salty but resolved to seeing it through. He finished filling out what seemed like endless questionnaires and applications; a few weeks later someone came to his house and interviewed him, looked in the cupboards and peeked in the closet. ‘Nothing to hide here”, He thought, “just dirty izmit escort underwear – and who doesn’t have that?” Ryan waited, and waited. Six months went by and he decided they’d moved on. Seasons came and went. He went about his life, happy, but not full the way he thought it might have been. The air arrive him was stagnant, his smiles just a little hollow. He pretended it wasn’t happening. He hadn’t set anything in motion yet. Wasn’t being silently graded behind the curtain. Forget, forget, forget, he told himself. The middle of November, it had already showed a couple times, holiday decorations were starting to make appearances in dead suburban lawns. Tacky, shitty things no one should ever buy. He hated them because he knew those stupid inflatable snowmen with big eyes and sagging witches hanging from porches actually made someone happy. They were reasons to smile and he had none. His phone rang. It was an unlisted number which he was in the habit of dutifully ignoring. Between his old IRS debt (long since resolved) and phishing scams announcing his driver’s license had been suspended, he had no interest in seeing who was on the other end of that call! What if. He decided to answer this one. Ryan toggled the button on his steering wheel and a voice unfamiliar and official sounding filled the car. Here we go, he thought. “Mr. Marshall?” kocaeli escort a middle aged, pointed voice asked. “Yes? Who is this?” Great. Fuck me. He huffed. “Mr. Marshall this is Anne, with the adoption agency, Harbor of Hope. I’m calling because you’ve been placed”. Anne’s voice was crisp. It echoed around his top-safety-rated all-wheel-drive very empty station wagon. “Hello?” Anne called. “I’m here!” Ryan said, “I’m here”. “Ok, well Mr. Marshall”, she whined, “I know you’ve been waiting a while now, congratulations. We’re excited to have matched you to a very bright young boy, whose name is Frankie” she extended the last vowel with a Jersey, nasal tone, “he’s 5, and he’s excited to meet his new Papa!” Bam. This isn’t happening, Ryan thought, what the hell is happening? We’re a family? I have a family? Just like that -I’m a dad? I have a son. How name is Frankie. His eyes welled. His body already knew what he needed to process. So much effort and so much waiting it seemed almost violent the way it clammered together, suddenly. Ryan was shocked. “I’m excited too. Very excited! This is incredible” his heart started to fill and soon he was washed in warm gushy, inflatable feelings. “When can I meet Frankie?” He asked. “How does tomorrow sound?” I only have three meetings and 4 deliverables, he thought. “Perfect what time?” It was a relief to shed every purpose, every self-driven thought from his mind and prioritize this child he would soon know. Thank God, he thought. The air around Ryan buzzed, a little brighter, it tasted salty-sweet. —————

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