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**The characters in the story are fully grown (over 30 and over 40) and are based on people I know: a friend of mine, and a bass player we’ve loved for decades. The all caps font in the note he writes her is based on how he actually wrote and sent emails to us for years! Hope everyone enjoys!**
She said no. He just couldn’t believe it. He offered her a night of unbridled passion. Uninhibited ecstasy. Hot, steamy, blow your mind sex and she said NO! To HIM! He just couldn’t get over it. He was so distracted by it; he didn’t even notice the plethora of sluts and hussies that were vying for his attention. He didn’t have it in him to stay for the meet and greet that night, so he drove to his hotel. He wondered for a minute if maybe she thought he was ugly, but he clearly saw longing and desire in those lonely blue eyes. He distinctly saw something else though. Something he didn’t recognize until he really thought about it. Was that… fear?
As he slowly washed off the sweat in a cool shower, he couldn’t stop thinking about her eyes, and a slight shiver in her voice. When he’d propositioned her, she swallowed hard before she reluctantly said, “No, Chris.” He blinked when she’d said it and said, “I’m sorry, what?” She looked down, so he could no longer see her eyes, and she said, “No, Chris. I… I can’t do that. I’m sorry.” Then she turned and walked away.
He didn’t understand it. They had walked around laughing, joking and holding hands for a couple of hours that night. He’d even kissed her. But when the subject of making love came up, she froze and said no. Why? What was she so afraid of? Was she afraid he’d had no protection? No, those eyes didn’t hold such a shallow fear. The anxiety she reflected went much deeper than mere worry over a stupid condom.
As he lay in bed that night, the questions didn’t stop flooding his mind. One of the questions was: “Why is this bothering me so damn much?” He usually didn’t let it bother him if a chick told him no. He just shrugged, wished her a nice night, and moved on to a more willing companion. This was different though.
He hadn’t “indulged” in months, and when he looked into Chastity’s gorgeous blue eyes, kissed her luscious full lips, and slipped his fingers through her soft as silk hair, he felt something that he never had before. It was more than sex he wanted. He wanted to be held in her arms. He wanted to feel her body pressed to his. He wanted to hear her voice whispering and cooing to him in the dark.
He rolled over and tried to go to sleep. He actually thought that he was asleep for a while until he realized he was staring at the motionless ceiling fan in the dresser mirror. In frustration, Chris slipped out of bed and walked his nude body to his kitchenette. He stared aimlessly in the fridge, trying to take his mind off of the lost encounter.
Chris grabbed a cola, headed back to the bedroom, and turned on the TV. As he sipped the cold drink he flipped through the channels and found nothing of interest. He got his laptop and powered it on. Chris idly surfed the web — something he always told close friends to stay off of — and he played poker online for a while.
He got bored with that after a bit, and before he knew what he was doing, he found himself composing an Email to this special lady. He’d only done that maybe one other time, but this was different. This wasn’t about his website that she owned, nor was this about a show he’d be playing. This was personal.
I JUST WANTED TO APOLOGIZE TO YOU FOR WHAT HAPPENED TONIGHT AT THE SHOW. I DIDN’T MEAN TO OFFEND OR SCARE YOU. I JUST WANTED TO SPEND SOME TIME WITH YOU. I KNOW IT SOUNDED LIKE I JUST WANTED A ONE NIGHT STAND, AND MAYBE I DID AT FIRST. THE ENTIRE TRUTH OF THE MATTER, THOUGH, IS THAT I JUST WANTED TO BE WITH YOU.
I WOULDN’T HAVE PRESSURED YOU INTO ANYTHING, AND NOTHING THAT YOU DIDN’T WANT TO HAPPEN WOULD HAVE. I GUESS I DON’T HAVE MUCH ELSE TO SAY EXCEPT I’M SORRY, AND I HOPE THAT THIS WON’T END OR DAMAGE OUR FRIENDSHIP IN ANY WAY. GET BACK TO ME WHEN YOU CAN. I’D LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU. IF YOU DON’T WRITE ME BACK, I UNDERSTAND. HOPE TO HEAR BACK SOON.
Chris closed out the Email and hoped for the best. That was also something he never found himself doing. Apologizing to someone. Saying “I’m sorry,” wasn’t something that he was very good at, but dammit, she was special. She was in his heart, and he didn’t even know why. Over the past almost 20 years, he’d guarded his heart and kept any woman at arm’s length from that fragile organ. After his failed marriage he didn’t want to do that and risk having his heart broken all over again.
He winced when he thought of what he came home to that day. Chris walked into his home to find that his belongings were gone, and so was she. She had taken everything he owned and filed for divorce. There was no explanation, and there was no real closure. He didn’t really care enough anymore to seek that finality, so he just shut off Side escort his heart, so to speak.
He remembered how he’d gone to a friend and cried in her arms. He had never cried that way. Not even when his family disowned him. The only other time he cried that way was when he heard the news that his father had passed away. He may not have seen his dad in many years, but it still hurt.
He sighed and closed his eyes against those painful thoughts. Right now, all he could think of was how he didn’t want to lose his Chastity. He didn’t even have her yet. She wasn’t his girlfriend, and they’d never even dated, but he didn’t want to lose her. He couldn’t help but wonder if he already had.
That was all he could think of. He wanted that girl to be his. He couldn’t believe the way he was feeling right now, but he couldn’t exactly fight it. He wanted her in his life, and he felt that to not have her there would be his mistake. Not only that, it would be the dumbest mistake he’d ever made.
Chastity lay in bed that night cursing herself for turning him down. ‘What the hell was I thinking?’ She wondered. She figured that she had lost him now. She said no, and now she’s lost him forever. She cried and cursed and wondered what could have caused her to make such a foolish decision. All she ever wanted was to be with Chris Fitz. She wanted to always be with him and belong to him, and when he finally offered her that chance, she’d said no. NO! WTF??
She got out of her bed and turned on her computer. She didn’t know what she was gonna do. Maybe see if her friend, Carla, would be there for her to vent to? Work on the website? Find an Email from Chris?
Yeah, right. As if THAT was ever going to happen again. She’d lost him now. She was never gonna hear from him again. He was at the hotel with some other skank and already forgot about her. She was almost certain of that.
She almost hesitantly opened up her Email account. Among the junk mail, mail from Carla asking how the show was, and other miscellaneous stuff, she did find an Email from him. There was no subject line, so she couldn’t imagine what he must want after she’d turned him down. She hated to imagine what he typed to her.
She was afraid to open that Email. Usually, she was happy to see one from her Love, but this was not the same. She thought that maybe he went off on her, and told her off for saying no. She shook her head because she couldn’t imagine him doing something like that. Wasn’t it her right to say no to something like that? Then she thought that maybe he would brag about finding someone to take her place.
She cringed at the thought of another woman doing all the things to and with that man that she wanted but was too afraid to do that night. She shook her head again because she knew that Chris was not that type of man. She wondered if it were important. Chris never initiated an Email. He was a “reply man”. She figured the only thing she could do was open and read the friggin’ email.
When she read what he had written, her heart melted, and she cried again. He was apologizing to her. He thought that he had offended her, and he didn’t want that to damage their friendship. She loved him so much and couldn’t bear the thought that he was alone in his hotel room thinking that she was mad at him. She figured that she didn’t leave him much choice when she left the way she did.
That night, he had made her feel like a princess. He held her hand as he walked around backstage. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and kissed her on the lips, temple, forehead, and cheek as he talked to fans. He was saying how she takes care of him (meaning the website, of course), and he loved her to death. He showed off her tattoos as if he did them himself, and he called her “his Chastity”.
She sat and studied that email, reading it over-and-over again. She didn’t know what to say to him, but she didn’t want him to leave Florida believing that he’d lost her. He’d lost her. How strange it seemed for her to think that. She took a deep breath and decided to reply to him:
Hey There Starlight:
I’m not mad at you, and I never could be. Actually, I was sitting here thinking you might be mad at me. I don’t want you to apologize; I think it’s me who should apologize to you. I just had so much going on in my head; I don’t think I could fit them all in an Email. I have an apartment here in West Palm.
My address is 7445 Ocean Drive – Apt. 212. If you have time, I’d like for you to come by. I’ll cook for us, and we’ll talk if you’d like. I just really want to see you again and talk about this face-to-face. I can’t have you thinking that I’m mad at you or didn’t want you, but there’s so much I want to say. I just don’t really want to say it in an Email.
My number is 727-555-****. Please Email me or give me a call or text so I know if I should expect you. I really would like to spend time with you again before you leave Florida but without the Side escort bayan crowds and fans this time. I love you, Chris. Good night.
She closed out the Email, shut down her computer, and headed back to bed. She wondered if Chris would even read it before attempting to catch a plane the next day. She hoped that he’d accept her invitation. She’d sent him invitations before. Quite a few, in fact.
There were invites to come to her house for Thanksgiving just, so he could have a family feel on the holiday. Invites to meet her for drinks if he had time. He’d never had time before, and she didn’t really expect this to be any different, but she couldn’t help but hope. She heard her text ring tone go off on her phone. Surely, that couldn’t be Chris getting back to her, but it was. The text read: “Will be there @ 12 PM. Luv U 2. C.F.” Oh wow!
Of course, Chastity was nervous but happy. She’d finally have her Love coming over to her house. She didn’t quite know how she’d explain it to him, but she knew that she had to find some way of telling him what was on her mind. She did want to be with him. She wanted nothing more, but she was a little afraid.
She was kind of afraid that if she gave herself to him that way that it would be the one time she’d get to be with him and no more after that. She was also a little afraid that if she did that, she’d be nothing more than a whore in his eyes. Also, she was afraid that once he found out that she was a virgin, he’d walk away and never speak to her again. So many others had hurt her. They turned their backs on her when they found out that she was a virgin. She figured that Chris would do the same.
She’d gotten the song and dance all through her adult years that someone her age couldn’t possibly still be a virgin. There was absolutely no way she could still be untouched. Guys want a girl with experience. They didn’t want the “responsibility” of being somebody’s first.
She hoped for the entire world that Chris would be different. She knew that he didn’t know that she’d never made love. How could he possibly know something so personal if she’d never spoken to him on that level? If they were ever going to reach that level of intimacy, if they were ever going to make love, she knew she had to tell him. She didn’t really want to, but she knew that she had to tell the truth, and she had to level with him the reasons why she’d held on to her purity. Until then, she closed her eyes to sweet, sexy dreams of her Love.
Chris woke up the next morning around 10 AM with a slight smile on his face. He couldn’t believe he was gonna be at the house of his special girl in a little while. Though he showered the night before, he stepped into a hot shower to wash away the previous night. He felt a little lighter and more at ease than he had 11 hours ago. He was definitely in higher spirits. His fingers glided through his long, silky blonde hair, and he felt the suds slide down his muscular back, and through his chest hair. He didn’t know why he was so sensitive to soap when he’d never been like that before, but he felt that his senses were supremely heightened that day.
If he could feel that way over a woman he had yet to express true feelings for, Chastity was more special to him than he’d realized. Before, he thought it was just a fan-to-musician relationship where the fan and musician formed a friendship that was pretty much based on nothing more than the music and the website. When she said she loved him, he brushed it off at first. He’d heard that so many times from so many others that he became almost immune to those words anymore. It got to the point that the words meant nothing, even when he said them. They were just words.
The truth was, he really did want her to love him. He just wasn’t gonna tell her that. He was afraid of love. After his divorce, Chris didn’t want to let a woman into his heart anymore. He didn’t want to leave himself vulnerable to pain.
He just didn’t know that his caution would lead him down a road of loneliness and never-ending tours that caused him to never be home. He didn’t know that he’d never form close friendships with anyone beyond his band members. He had no idea he’d lose contact with those that used to be so important to him. All of that was because he was afraid to trust, afraid to let anyone in. Until he met her.
Chris ventured out of his hotel suite, checked out and put his bags in his rental car. He didn’t know if he’d be leaving that day or not. He just wanted out of that particular hotel. Oh sure, it was a nice suite, it’s just that the bed still felt cold, and his neighbors in the next room were going AT it. He’d never heard so much grunting, whimpering, moaning, heavy breathing, and headboard thumping in his life! Okay, maybe that was a lie. He was just jealous.
He laughed as he thought of how he wished it was him having fun like that. Even though he didn’t get turned on enough to touch himself, he couldn’t Escort side deny it was entertaining, to say the least. He couldn’t help but wonder, though, what they would say when they discovered his little note on the door. The cynical, smirking, sarcastic little note that said: “Thanks so much for the free show last night, but next time she says, ‘To the left’, rock your hips that way and jerk a little. You get a more pronounced moan.”
He thought he’d throw in his two cent’s worth. He didn’t see anything wrong with giving a little bit of advice. Even to people that didn’t ask for it. He found a Starbucks and got himself a double espresso, then headed for a local park. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and lovers were kissing, nuzzling and holding hands as they walked around the beautiful freshwater lake.
He watched the ducks and geese as they swam around in the water, and even smiled when he caught sight of two gorgeous swans preening in the lake. He watched all of this in amazement and wondered: “Jesus. How much of my life am I letting pass me by?” He thought he was living. Traveling, playing shows, and making gobs of money performing and producing music and commercials. That’s what he thought living was. It never quite occurred to him that there was more to life than that. So much more. More that he was letting himself miss out on for damn near 20 years.
Chris had never before realized that even though his ties to his ex-wife were physically gone, they were still there mentally. He kept thinking about that, and it made him angry. How could she rob him of living a life with anyone else, while never even caring about what she did to him? How could she do that to him and rob him of a chance of having closure? How could she act as if nothing had ever existed between the two of them? The bitch even wrote a book bragging about all the celebrity cock she’s had in her and excluded him and even her own damned kid! Besides that, she lied about MOST of what was in the book! What a low-class skank!
Because of her, he felt like his chance of living a life of love and happiness was gone. He ran away from his feelings, and because of her, he never went home. Whenever he felt a woman getting close to him or wanting more than just sex and travel, he let her go. Cut her loose. Told her that he couldn’t give her what she wanted. He didn’t want to be tied down like that when he had so much on his plate. He thought it was a great excuse. Then he realized that none of that was enough anymore.
Chris was getting tired of the mechanical chick’s voice on the GPS. Whose idea was it to have machines talk, anyway? It was creepy enough; he thought, that these little things could tell you directions to places they’d never been and be right about it. Now, they have to talk to rub it in? What kinda freaky, technical shit was that? He told her to shut the fuck up like five or six times, but she just kept on talking, telling him how far down to go, where to exit, and where to turn. When he stopped for gas, she let him know that he had not yet reached his destination. He said, “Yeah, yeah, I know, bitch!” But she kept telling him he wasn’t there yet.
He shook his head a little as he turned on to Chastity’s street. His mind now wondered what the visit would be like. He was glad that she had emailed when she did. Now, he didn’t have to hop on yet another plane going to yet another location out of the states. He loved what he did, there was no doubt about that. He just got tired of doing it so damn often.
His thoughts traveled back to the previous night, and again, he thought about that fear. He wished that he’d recognized it sooner. He’d never seen eyes so scared before. If he had, he didn’t really care to notice or dwell on it. Those eyes that were so bright and smiling before he propositioned her; those gorgeous green-eyes, that almost looked blue when the light hit them just right, had so much fear in them, that a twinge of guilt seemed to punch him square in the stomach. He felt like a complete ass whenever he thought about it.
He parked next to the metallic blue PT Cruiser that Chastity told him would be the only one in her complex and he cut the engine. He paused before he got out of the car. Was he nervous? Hell no, he wasn’t nervous! He never got nervous before meeting with a woman. Not any woman. So, why the hell were there butterflies flipping cartwheels in fire laden roller coasters in his stomach?
Chastity woke up around 9 AM. She wanted to go to the store and get a few things for lunch and dinner before jumping into a shower and cooking up the food. She had a lot on her mind as she let the chicken wings bake in barbecue sauce. She wondered how she would explain her feelings to Chris without feeling like she was making a fool of herself. She was also wondering how he’d react to the news that she was a virgin.
She even wondered if she should really tell him that yet. If she did, it would explain a lot. She’d be beyond heartbroken, though, if he decided for that (or any other) reason that he didn’t want her. She felt that something like that would honestly kill her. In fact, she knew it would. She loved him too damn much, and his rejection of her would surely destroy her.
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