A Song of Mine

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The autumn wind blows a soft lullaby as the ruffle of the trees’ dying leaves pay homage to the color of the season. Together with the cold breeze came the hymn of a young ballad that sung with the season’s call. The innocent tune resounded through the stone paths and old foliage, leading to the windows of a humble home. In a little room, one can glance at the image of a little girl and a grand piano. From her little fingers, she played the keys in the ways of a budding talent. Inexperienced but full of life, the melodies she made enchanted the season with her grace. And when the final note was sounded, a lone applause was returned to her. It was the eager applause of a girl of her splitting image. Born of the age, gender, and image, their lives were interwoven together. An elder one who weaves the music that speaks to the soul, and her little sister who admires her more than she knows, they are the twins of the house who brought life to their lonely home.The younger one cannot hide her fascination and in gratitude, her elder sister nudged her to take a sit beside her. Then she made her touch the keys of the instrument. The little one began with hesitation and refusal in her heart but her elder sister held her hand, welcoming her to the craftsmanship that she thought she can only admire from afar. In unison, they brought life to the most vivid of music just as the linked souls that they were.And in this little moment, the little girl made the wish: “I wish we could be this happy forever.” LeiraUnder my command, I played the keys of the piano with a fiery passion. From simple notes on paper, I carved out the phantasmal music that was alive with its enchanting dreams. Accompanied by no one, my melodies took flight in a solitary dominion, enthralling every ear that was graced by my presence. In this grand hall, not a peep dared to make a sound – all was humbled by the call of my art.After the final key, I was greeted by the familiar sound of silence – an audience mesmerized by the illusion that I casted. Then, they woke up in a thunderous applause, showering me with words of glee. I was adored like a saint, blessed by the most recognized authorities. And in response, I gave them a smile of appreciation before I bowed and slowly descended down the stage.It was my awaited performance in the audience of the most important members of society. Men and women of the elite stood before me in their finest clothes. With glasses of wine in their hand, they spoke of their nonchalant chatter of fortune and power. It was a dinner party where any imperfections are forbidden. And standing as the most beautiful one of them all was I who brought them the music that I performed at their impatient request.As if forgetting that they were people of respectable names, they crowded on me like a rare and precious gem. And in return for their patronage, I answered each one of them with words of gratitude and humility.Only the greatest can earn to walk in this stage, and to earn the praise of such people brings me with honor that cannot be matched with words. However, within the ocean of smiles and laughter, I could feel a shadow behind my back – whispering in my ears the messages that cannot be drowned. Though I stood with a smile, the blood in my veins was running cold.Lost in my shaking spirit, I entertained the crowd without knowing it. The cheerful chatter and exchange of merriment failed to register and, in turn, I spoke words that I cannot understand. But I hid it all. While I held an image as beautiful as the flowers that they offer, I am being ensnared by a ghastly voice.“Sickening. Loathsome. Dreadful “ the voice spoke. Ugly and disfigured, the voice in head made me shiver from fright “Is this really all that you can muster, you lying thief?”My stomach churched cold and frozen as the unpleasant experience took over but I kept my cool until I finally had the opportunity to walk away. As I took the steps to my room, the sound of my footsteps resounded through the empty hallway. No longer having an image to protect, my mask of smile readily fell. Through the glass wares and polished steel, I saw the reflection of my face distort into an unsightly one.On the lounge, I was greeted by my manager “Hey, what’s with the long face?” she asked, obviously a bit tipsy “You just had the elites as your audience. Chin up and chest high, my darling.”“I’m sorry. I’m just exhausted, I guess” I replied softly.“Oh, I know how you feel.” She then wrapped me in a caring embrace. Her warm skin against my cold and sweating body immediately soothed me with calm “There, there,” She cooed as she stroked my back “You must have been frightened, right? No worries, dear. It’s just temporary.”After being calmed down, I finally had the courage to smile again. And when I looked up to her, she wiped away a tear from my eye that I did not even notice. “Calm now?”“Yeah, I guess so” I coughed a small laugh“Oh, I know what would really cheer you up” she said all of a sudden, as if excited to surprise me with a present. Then, she led me forward and there, I saw her, my twin sister was sitting on a chair with a bouquet of white roses on her hand.She was clothed in a lovely frilly white gown intricately designed in the motif of white roses. Her silken hair was kept in place by a rosy hair pin. A pair of silver earing on her ears, and another silver pendant hangs on her neck. With a loving smile on her lips, and shiny irises that gleam with affection, her presence alone radiates a charisma of ease. Though we were born of the same figure and image, her charm made her more alluring but in my eyes where she was anything but.In just one glimpse, my mood was corrupted from a triumphant exhaustion into a hostile glare. Feeling my brows furrow in hate, I bared my fangs at her, making it clear that I do not appreciate her presence. But she did not seem to notice the first signs of my hostility as she voiced out the words “I love your performance”Those were kind little words that I have heard before but when she does it, it is different. Forgetting my reputation, I snarled at her: “What are you doing here?”My manager was quick to notice the sudden change etimesgut escort in mood. She must have thought that a reunion between sisters would be something to look forward to but turns out, she cannot be anymore wrong. My sister, however, has long adapted to my cruel ways and just calmly spoke:“I just wanted to hear your music” she said in reply, her hand reaching out to try and lend me her bouquet – a gift that I refused until my manager took them for me.“Everyone does” I replied, arrogantly “What do you want from me?”“It’s been too long since you last came home” she replied, her eyes drifting away, as if filled with nostalgia “It’s just not a home without the two of us”“I am not coming.” my answer came fierce and fiery “You can keep that house for yourself for all I care.”Then I forced the discussion to end there. I did not give her any chance to reply further. In the next second, I turned my and walked away in angry strides – my manager quickly followed my footsteps. Confused and quite embarrassed for what I have done, she tried to stop me and calm me down again but I was too angry to care.“Hey, I know that I should not meddle with sibling conflicts but do you really have to go that far?” she stammered, trying to cope up with my pace but I ignored her. “She’s your sister, right?”I kept my silence and continued my pace, not a single word was spoken. When we reached the car, I simply told her that I would appreciate it if she won’t dig in further to our strained relationships.…After my manager’s car has driven out of sight, I let out a loud sigh and went inside my apartment. There, I was greeted by the presence of the same apparition that tormented me on the stage. Its sinister grin filled me with contempt and scorn as it began to spoke the same words that I beg not to hear.“Thief” it whispered with a grin. A single word that made me unable to move as the darkness came clawing at my thoughts, dragging me into the horrors of my past.I was born gifted and my youth was engraved in accolades and trophies that proved my young and budding legacy. I was a prodigy in the art of music and my name was sought out by the modern masters of music who wish to have me as a student who would continue their legacy. The center of the stage, the spotlight, and the warm audience who wish to test the myth that comes with my name…it was the story of my youth.Or so I wish it was.It was never my fate to be one whom the crowd shall fawn upon. I am but a false fable borne from my sister’s failure.My soul was devoted to music and I have a talent worth boasting. However, it was never one that can be compared to my sister who revels in the light and I, in turn, was overshadowed by her name that few can challenge. I am always a background character whose existence was to play second fiddle.But it was fine. Though the abandonment was painful to bear, I admired her all the same. From the darkness of the backstage, I cheered for her with glee, joining the round of applause that she deserves the most. Fate has favored her from the very start and she was blessed with all the gifts that one could ever ask.I loved my sister and I recognize that she deserves all the praise but as my insecurities clawed me more and more, I began to feel myself turning that admiration into jealousy and spite – a frightening emotion that I do not wish to recognize. But can I really be blamed for it when every time I step outside, it is always her whom the people seek and my entire purpose was to be mistaken for her? My entire existence was reduced into an unwarranted nuisance that no one wishes to meet. And the worst part is that I began to believe them.The wound of my past felt like searing in pain as I remember those days; Those cloudy voices that spoke as I felt my own self-worth crumbling down. Unable to contain my own insecurities, I choose to fade into obscurity behind her back. From afar, I watched as how her fame and recognition grew till she finally left our place to fulfill her dreams. I was too little to notice for someone so revered.We slowly grew apart, living our own ways, connected only by a few small talks on the phone. Nevertheless, I still listened to her music without fail. Those wild and untamed melodies of hers that I dear so much. I never missed a day where I could hear her masterpieces.However, as the time passes, I also came to notice a growing sense of emptiness lying within the trample of the lively notes – a small misdemeanor that should not have been missed by someone so skilled. It was a strange tune, I said to myself. It was as if she was withholding an idea away from everyone that she does not trust. Must be just a small mistake by someone trying to experiment on another idea, I thought. But her following pieces only suffered the same problem. Small little notes that do not seem to match her usual style, they made my heart ache with unknown emotions.Every night, I sat alone on the chair trying to make sense of these errors that should not be. This is not her. This is not her music at all. My worries accumulated the more I tried to listen. Until one night, I heard a knock on the door and was stunned in shock by the person that stands before me.Wearing the dress of a foreign land, she now stands in front of me, a heavy luggage in hand and a smile that glows as lovely as the moon. Visibly confused and disoriented, I was taken aback when she suddenly leapt and hugged me tightly – her scent of lavender filled my nose.“Surprise! I finally returned after all these years” she giggled before letting go. I was unable to respond quick enough and just kept looking until she reminded me of my role. “Hey. Are you not going to welcome me?”“Oh, right” I stuttered and let her in along with the things that she brought with her.I could see her dancing in little steps as she walked inside the living room, amassing herself with the sight that she missed so much throughout her travel around the world. “I’m finally home” she cried in joy “I’m finally home”Then she collapsed on the sofa, hugging a pillow on her lap. She just looked at me and said “I have so much to tell you.”…For days on end, eryaman escort she shared with me all the adventures that she made through the globe. With a voice filled with glee and excitement, she told me of the beautiful roads and meadows that she threaded on as she let herself be lost away from the common concerns. How nostalgic her voice was when she turned her tale towards the people whom she met and accompanied her side by the table as they watched the fall of the leaves in their slow world. Her hands danced as she remember the times when the children all frolic on the road as she played them a music that swayed them off their feet.Everything she spoke was lovely and full of life. But, just like the new songs that she composed, my ears pick up a strange tune in her way of speaking. One after another, her voice drifted off away from a thought that she just do not want to share. I did not question it and was just glad to meet her again.Until one day, I heard a knock on the door and came to face a man who stared at me with extreme irritation“Where on earth have you been?” he exploded “Do you know how much trouble you put me in?”I turned myself turning pale but was too paralyzed to close the door.“Leaving a note like that and disappearing without our notice? What on Earth were you thinking?” he said further “We are completely behind schedule and there are so many opportunities that we have lost.”He then held me by the shoulder and said “Come, on. Pack your things. We need go at once.”“S-sir” I stuttered as I took a step back, scared of his unreasonable demands. Suddenly, a sudden gust of wind blew behind me and he was thrown into the ground by a projectile that hit him straight on the head. Papers scattered about in a violent shower as he pulled himself together, groaning from the pain of whatever hit him.Soon I realized that those were not just ordinary papers. Musical sheets scattered about on the floor.“Could you please get your hands off her?” my sister called out behind me. Understandably, the guy was surprised to see identical women in front of him.She walked closer and firmly nudged me to step back as she faced the visitor. “Did you not read my note? I said to leave me alone, didn‘t I?”The guy stood up. “But everyone wanted you so much. There are so many people who are demanding to meet you. We can’t let them go unanswered especially when you are just so famous.”“I said I had enough.” She pushed him away, firmly, and not wanting to spend any more time in the discussion.The guy was silenced for a while before he just sighed and gave up. “I see…”“I will be staying at the hotel for 2 weeks.” He said, dusting himself and picking up his hat. “Please come visit me once you are ready”We watched him slowly walked away. Immediately, my sister closed the door behind her and looked me, smiling brilliantly, as if nothing happened. “I guess I can’t keep it a secret anymore, can I? I did not answer.“Mind if you accompany me on a walk tonight?”…Our dress ruffled softly as we took our steps on the cliff side road. Dimly lighted by lamp posts and passing cars, we climbed up the lonely sidewalk without speaking a word except for my sister who keeps on humming her old song. Unable to break the ice, I just followed her lead.“Hey,” she turned around and faced me. “What do you think of my new songs?”That was a question that I did not expect. My eyes widened a bit and failed to give an answer.“They were awful, aren’t they?” she nonchalantly ridiculed her own creations as she walked with a wide smile on her lips “Every note was made with love, every melodies can paint sceneries, and it leaves everyone breathless as the story within the song unfolds. But for a reason unknown, one can tell that it is lacking a heart.”“Over and over, they praised me for those songs but just once – just a single one, can you please come and tell that I was horrible?” she grumbled with a tone that is starting to get annoyed. “It’s almost as if they are just doing it for the name of the musician rather than the quality of the art. What kind of admirer can I call that?”“What do you think?” she turned to me. “It’s bad isn’t”“N-not at all” I stuttered. She then gave me an irritated look, as if scolding me for my lie. Reflexively, my head dropped and I spoke honestly “I don’t think it’s bad. It’s just that I think there’s something that you keep on trying to hide. Some notes that were supposed to play crucial role were skipped and replaced with something that does not fit. It’s really painful to hear it.”She then laughed heartily “Precisely what I wanted to hear”All alone on the cliff side road, the sound of her laughter penetrated through the clash of waves beneath us.  At the end of the road was an old lighthouse that still stands despite all the neglect that it has suffered through the years. The two of us used to play on this part of the beach and when we grew up, we decided to make the place look better by planting seeds of flowering plants down the soil – flowers that still emits their sweet scent in this evening.One step at a time, we climbed up the rusty staircase of the tower and leaned on the railings as we watched the seascape of the night. Waves crashing softly on the shore, a salty cold breeze that is blowing though our hair, and a moon above that shines bright and full.With a hypnotic voice, she began to open up to me “I returned because I had enough of my life”“Every day I am surrounded by people I do not know – expectations that must be met, audience that must be pleased. I could not care any less about that; I simply wanted to play my music. I thought I could just live my life that way until I realized that I cannot fool myself any longer. I want to be more honest with myself. I want to stray away from the path laid out for me. I want to take risks for once.” She sighed before adding: “Things that I fear to be.”“I came here because I thought of running away but in the end, I am mortified by such a thought”After saying that, she looked at me straight to the eye and said: “Without my music, would anyone be able recognize me? Who am I outside the stage?”I was unable to reply sincan escort after she said those words. Not once have I ever tried to ponder what is going on inside her mind. And for her to be so open about her insecurities is a thing I have never seen before.She then smiled widely as she lifted her head and stared at the moon that showered her image with a cascade of brilliant light. “Do you think that life is beautiful? Are you content with what you have?”It was a simple question that I answered just as easy “I guess it is. I am happy.”From the corner of her eye, I came to witness the first drop of small tears that she tried to withhold.“Indeed it is, isn’t it?” she spread out her arms and laughed as the tears flowed even more. The mood of the situation changed into a maddened folly that none can read. “Life is beautiful”Then she jumped off the tower.   A nightmareI woke up out of breathe and shaking with the terror that held me for what felt like an eternity The same scene that warped me into the person that I am now once again came to freshen the wounds that would never heal. Waking out of bed, I tried to bring light into my room by opening the curtains only to see a sky thick with looming gray clouds and wind that is frozen cold – fitting weather for a winter that would soon come.Slowly, I took my steps down – down to the living room where papers of importance were taped messily on the wall. They are all the cursed writings that I made and despise. To most, they are the compositions that I made and shared to the world, but all I see here are my cursed stories that took shape from the betrayal of the person who was the world to me.The anger I felt on that day is still scorching in my blood. The shock I felt as I desperately carried her bleeding body away from the shore and my terror as I cried for help, it was all still clear to me. The songs that brought me so much joy and meaning in life were suddenly corrupted by the foolish act of someone who cared only about herself.As I held on a paper that was taped on the wall, my fist clenched and crumpled it on my hand as I felt my anger arising once more.“What problem was so big that you cannot trust anyone else to give you help?” I snarled “Was this really how much you look down upon me? That you would rather die than let me hear about it and work it together?”The news of her attempted suicide spread fast and brought noticeable impact on her admirers. Everyone showed their concern over her and the grim future that awaits the fallen star. They all speak words of disbelief and cries of mourning – acts of sympathies that hold no meaning in the eyes of someone holding so much grudge. It was a sad tragedy but from its ashes, I found my voice for the first time.Needing an outlet to channel all the cries that were weighting me down, I turned my attention towards the piano keys that I have forgotten so long ago. The songs that were carved in my heart rung in a hymn that was twisted by the siren that yearns for the world she lost from her own naivety. The music that I’ve always admired from afar is now a music that I brought to the life bound in sorrow and regret. The name that I deemed sacred and holy was now the heretic words of a voiceless soul.The men and women who were desperate to fill the hole in their heart were quick to fall for my thieving tricks. The familiar songs that they loved, I cursed to now herald a message that it should not. It was a blasphemy beyond any measure but who can blame them for wanting to forget the betrayal that left them wandering aimless and broken?It was a sickening joke to think that I used her fall as a stepping stone, but no one raised a protest about it and instead eagerly replaced their once beloved with a new one. It was all just a passing trend to them. As soon as my grudge set in and made root, I abandoned her and never came back. Alone in her hospital bed, it must have hurt to hear your own music being played, twisted, and stolen by someone whom you trusted so much – a cruel jest that she pretended not to see. Her voice that I once yearned was forgotten by the dissonance that I carved in my heart.And so I made my first steps forward while a deathly shadow lurked behind my every step, smiling wide as I fooled myself with the illusion I made.…Sitting patiently at the backstage, I counted all the seconds that passed as I await the signal for me to come forth. In front of me was a mirror that reflected the girl that should not be here. A frilly black gown laced in golden threads, a jeweled necklace, and a silver tiara on my head, I was an exquisite beauty worthy of the same stage from which countless of legendary musicians set foot. The terror of being in front of the crowd has long since been buried in the past but my fingers, which hungers for the touch of the piano keys, felt cold and shivering as it too felt the clock pass by the second.“The show starts in fifteen minutes, you ready?” behind my back, my manager walked in and consulted me one last time. Her voice is something that I have been so accustomed to during events like this.“I am.” I said in reply. “I’m quite bored, as a matter of fact.”She smiled as she pulled another chair and sat behind me. Using a comb, she massaged my hair – a ritual that she started in order to calm my anxieties when I was still a beginner. This, of course, was followed by a small talk.“By the way,” she started “I wanted to apologize about what happened on your last performance”“Is this about my sister again? I have no qualms about it” I assured her “Just stay out of it.”“Yeah, I was sorry about that. I have no idea that the two of you were in conflict” her words sting a bit “It’s just I love her music and I love yours too. I came to hope that you two would create music together.”“Create music together, huh.” I repeated the words and let the thought sink in.“She was really excited to see you, you know.” She added further. “When I invited her to surprise you, I could feel her smiling through the phone.”  I maintained my silence“Shame.” She brushed my hair one last time before fixing my tiara back in place. “I guess your music would remain aimless”“What?” I turned to ask her to repeat her words. No one has ever said those words to me before and I demanded to know what she meant by it.But she didn’t speak a word. Instead, I saw a melancholic smile on her lips then told me: “The concert starts in five minutes, better start walking. I’ll be watching you.” 

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