Beetle Bug 01

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Beetle Bug 01

“Step Bro, listen, I know you won’t like this, but I’ve been talking to your little Halloween girl over the past few days and I think I have a win-win solution for the two of you and I don’t mind admitting that it benefits myself as well. And LOL, I also don’t mind admitting that you were right about the last person to see her eyes was the doctor who delivered her, so.”

“Darla, stop meddling and stop calling Gia Lee the “Halloween girl” all the time. I mean, I’m the one she punches for it and all and even though I like purple and black, I don’t like it on my upper arm (besides, she really punches hard).”

“Fine, I’ll call her your Halloween Girlfriend then. Anyways….”

“Well, hold up Darla, I mean, if anything was ever going to happen between Gia Lee and I, well, I would prefer, you know, like a Halloween Dragon Girlfriend or something, but, well, I didn’t mean to interrupt you and your solution that will only benefit you at the end of it and all, so.”

“Ah-hah! You do have feelings for her then! I mean, thanks to my meddling and all. Anyways, with your upcoming death ray eye surgery and all and with how your vision is going to be weird and fuzzy for a few days and all, what’s the harm of having her stay here with you for a few days and help you out and all? I mean, doesn’t that sound better than having your step sister stop by to shave you, put a little concealer on you and then select a pair of undies for you to wear? Mm-mmm?”

I mean, stupid step sisters and their stupid step sister logic, right folks?”

“I mean, LOL, Beetle Bug, if nothing else it will give the two of you a few days alone to figure a few out and all and who knows, maybe it will help you from losing a few fingers from chopping carrots because with your upcoming blurry vision and all, they will look just about the same and all on the chopping block, so?”

I mean, stupid step sisters and their stupid step sister logic again, right folks?”

“And I’m covering my own ears and all right now, but you know, maybe, just maybe there will be a little Dragon time. I mean, it wouldn’t kill you (you stupid fucking confused fem boy of a step bro! I mean, you’re not sleeping with guys and you’re not sleeping with girls, so just what the hell are you fucking doing and all)! I mean, it’s your life and all, so.”

Alright folks, it’s not important how my step sisters stupid step sister logic continued and all because what’s important is that people mistakenly call me Beetle Bug. I mean, it’s just an illusion that my eyes appear larger than normal. I mean, my stupid makeup skills don’t help them out or anything, but I view it as a part of my charm and appeal. But it’s true that my eyes aren’t functional the best. I mean, it seems that I traded slender legs for good eyes in the mixing bowl.

And by the way folks, I am not a confused fem boy! I just like wearing certain clothes and certain makeup and certain hair while avoiding all advances and offers from guys who like the way I look and carry my body, that’s all.

“Um, hi Gia Lee, um, why is crew staring and smirking at me like that? Um, which is starting to make me feel uncomfortable and afraid to mingle around tonight?”

“Relax Beetle Bug, the crew just had a chance to meet your step sister the other day and from a guy’s perspective, well, your step sister brings a lot to the party, Beetle Bug. Anyways, LOL, now they are all willing to step inside of your cooties coated house and all, you know, as long as Darla is visiting with you or if you have a mixer or something. I mean, guys, right? Anyways, have seat for a moment while they chill out. So, is it true, Beetle Bug? Is there something that you wanted to ask me? Mm-mmm?”

“Um, Gia Lee, you may not have noticed this, but I haven’t asked you much since I asked you if I could buy you an upgraded cell phone and then you smashed me upside of the head with your old phone, so.”

“Well, I got a new phone, didn’t I? By the way Beetle Bug, you could take a few fashion tips from your step sister. I think she’s trendy, fancy and shiny and all.”

“She meddles, but I don’t think Darla’s trendiness isn’t the topic, right Gia Lee?”

“OMG, stop turning your body like that, Beetle Bug! I’m over her calling me the “Halloween Girl” and all and I’m not going to arm punch you (this time). Besides, she texted me a while ago and upgraded that to “Halloween Dragon Girlfriend” and I liked it, so. Anyways beetle Bug, is it true and all?”

“Is what true? That Lockjaw and I are secretly seeing each on the side and that I’m more than just a flirt and a tease? I mean, NO! I mean, Lockjaw comes over on Sunday’s and all, but that’s just because he has been using my garage for a project. I mean, wow, trust me, he won’t step foot inside of my house with his fear of my cooties and all.”

“Wow, well, we were wondering where that boy got off to on Sunday’s and all, but we can talk about that another time. I mean, is it true that you need corrective death ray eye surgery soon? almanbahis And more importantly, is it true what Darla said about you having me identified as your second Medical Emergency Contact in your phone and all? I mean, ever since Darla told me that, I mean, I clearly see that as your Vice President of Medical Emergency Contact and all, but it would be nice to hear it from you. And it would be nice to hear it from you as to why you couldn’t tell me yourself that you were about to have your eyeballs melted! I mean, I thought we were getting closer and all, Beetle Bug. (Also, we’re still going to be able to call you Beetle Bug after the surgery, right)?”

“Oh, well, dang it, Gia Lee, people make enough fun of me as it is and this type of death ray eyeball melting surgery is usually for people who are much older than me and all and I can see the memes now of me in a pair of leisure shorts and a walking cane and all, so. And by the way, Gia Lee, what was all what you just did to me all about anyways?”

“Well, Beetle Bug, the cheek kiss was for preselecting me as your Vice President of Medical Emergency Contact, which I consider to be an important role in your (fem boy) life and the back handed nut slap was for not telling me that you were dealing with such a serious medical issue (and to verify that you actually had nuts). And then the gentle thigh squeeze was for confirming that you haven’t crossed any lines (especially with Lockjaw) and then the last cheek kiss was to remind you that I might just make a very good Halloween Dragon Girlfriend and all (just as soon as you fucking start buying and wearing men’s boxer briefs), so.”

“Well, everyone already thinks I’m a pain in the ass and all and my upcoming recovery time isn’t going to make that any better because I’m going mistake my fingers for carrots and then I’m going to pick out a pair off beige undies to wear and then there’s the follow up exam the next Wednesday and there’s the way I’m going to bump into the walls and then there’s the way that I’m going to hug the floor lamp good night and the list of blurry vision issues for three to five days just goes on and on and all, so.”


“Well, if I had some help, well, that wouldn’t be the worse thing in the world and all. I mean, it’s easy to fight off Chad’s advances and all when I can see them coming and all, so.”

“Oh, well Beetle Bug, um, Chad clearly wants to get you naked (ewe) and all, so, um, well, Darla mentioned that I would have time enough for a hair styling during your follow up exam and all, so.”

“Oh, um, well Gia Lee, I mean.”

“And she said she would talk me into wearing a dress and all, so.”

“I mean.”

“So, um, am I adding Temporary Roomie to my list of growing titles now, Beetle Bug?”

“Well, um, of course, but no parties and no snooping around my house while I’m unable to clearly see what’s happening and all. I mean, not that any of crew would dare step inside of house with my tease and flirt cooties and all, so.”

“Alright, deal, except for when Darla drops off this dress she was speaking of and I mean, if I have new hair to go with a dress and all, right? I mean, no one has seen my eyes since the doctor who delivered me and all, so do we start Sunday evening so I get you to the clinic on time on Monday morning then?”

Well, anyways folks, it’s not important that my stupid step sister’s stupid step sister logic worked out and all, I mean, what’s important is that Gia Lee and I had such a smooth conversation about things and all, so.

And as promised, she got me to the clinic on time for my two hours on the table and for the two hours of recovery time in the clinic. I mean, things went down hill from there and all, but my eyeballs didn’t melt.

“OMG Beetle Bug, I mean, if I were actually proclaimed as your Halloween Dragon Girlfriend, wow, I would be pitching a bitch about your attending staff, especially about Nurse Swallows!”

“Um Gia Lee, I’m on surgery recovery pills and all, so.”

“Well, if it weren’t for the way Nurse Loosie Goosey Luci stuff my front pockets with bribing rec drugs and all. I mean, at least Nurse Swallows is a woman and all. Anyways, you seem fine. I mean, you can stop moving your head around like that because trust me, the world is still here, although I get how weird things must seem for you right now. Also, um, I can’t find the silver box in the kitchen that spits out instant four course meals like in the Star Battle movies, so?”

“LOL, the Pizza Shop and Deli are on my speed dial and your friend Suzie works at the pizza shop, so. OMG, Gia Lee, don’t let that freaky little delivery guy Timmy into the house no matter what he says! I mean, with good vision I need eight hands to fight off his advances!”

“Got it. Um, alright, we’ll feed you and then say good night for a while, I guess. I mean, anyways, after Nurse Swallows finished adjusting her bimbo bra and her uniform, well, she gave me these pills for you and apparently, it’s best if you sleep almanbahis yeni giriş off the first 24 hours and all, so.”

“Yeah, they told me and to be honest, wow, I think that might be best. I mean, this is weird. And fuzzy.”

“Oh, as weird as Nurse Loosie Goosey Luci whispering to you about me? But I’m not mad because only a Dragon Master would care about his Halloween Dragon Girlfriend in that way. And by the way, I just keep things covered up with my logo t-shirts and my leather vest, but I’m not mad (cheek kiss) that you know something now, LOL, Dragon Master. (I mean, I’m not like your step sister Darla up top and all, but I’m happy). Anyways patient of mine, with the length of your surgery and then your recovery time inside of the clinic (with Nurse Swallows close by) I was able to pull ahead my hair appointment because the solon was basically across the street and I think you’re going to like it! I mean, wow, I should have done this two years ago. It’s bouncy baby, I mean Beetle Bug.”

And when they say you’re sleeping off the first 24 hours or so, wow, they mean it and those pills should never fall into the wrong hands! I mean, it was 5pm on Monday and then it was 5pm on Tuesday with nothing in between. Oh, and then there was another few hours of lump on a log after the pill hang over time on the couch, so the pill basically took me for almost 30 hours.

Which was fine, except Gia Lee and my step sister didn’t think about how my ears still worked. I mean, hello? Take the girl talk to the kitchen ladies!

“Well, good job Gia Lee, he’s still breathing and his eyeballs don’t look melted and whoa, whoa, whoa, that hair momma! I mean, toss a throw blanket over the step bro and let’s talk about that hair!”

“Well, the solon was right there and his dresser drawer full of cash was right where you said it would be and ooh la, la, right? I have eyes, bouncy hair and who knew, right? I look like a normal girl!”

“Oh, that’s boom baby and shame on Beetle Bug for being stupid and stuff. Anyways, here’s the dress I promised you.”

“This isn’t a dress. This is scarf, Darla.”

“LOL, it’s a dress, Gia Lee.”

“No, this is not a dress. This is a scarf.”

“Trust me Halloween Dragon Girlfriend, it’s a dress!”

“Well, it’s certainly not a dress that I can wear in front of my crew when they come over tonight for the unapproved celebration mixer that I’m throwing for Beetle Bug’s successful death ray eye surgery and all.”

“LOL, oh trust me, your crew is mostly guys, so they have pictured you naked in their pee brain male brains thousands of times, so this will just help clear up the focus, that’s all. I mean, it’s too bad that your Dragon Master won’t be able to see you in such a dress with that boom baby boom hair and all, but still, right?”

“Well, I mean, I mean, the more it stretches around me, the more sheer it’s going to get, right Darla?”

“Well, duh, and let’s not forget about the importance of no “lines” underneath of it as well. And um, well, I can’t bring myself to speak about my step bro like this, but (he must have a shaving kit or two around, so no “pokey” hairs down the either) and all. By the way, he can’t understand what we’re saying, right?”

“Oh, I don’t think so. I mean the color and furious look in his barely opened eyes must be from the surgery and all. And, well, (Beetle Bug has plenty of shavings kits) and SOB, it took me half of a day, but I cut the grass. But still, how am I suppose to go from all this goth black to wearing just that (and not letting my Dragon Boyfriend see me)?”

“Relax, you’ll look amazing and you know, you can accessorize the dress with a, you know, a dog collar or something.”

“Because there’s alright a dog collar in the bottom of the bag, Darla?”

“Well, I thought the studded stars were cute and you know, you would have picked one with spikes or something, so.”

“Well, I’ll squeeze into this dress if you wear something similar and all then.”

“Oh, I wearing this under a long Lycan Hunter coat.”

“Um, that’s not a dress! That’s a, OMG, a body corset and fishnets! Under a long Lycan Hunter coat!”

“What, your crew won’t like it? And my friend Tonya will be with me to back me up too.”

“I mean, wow, did Lockjaw ever pick a bad life to be ignored by you!”

“LOL, who said your friend Lockjaw would be ignored forever? Also, the step bro knows you’re having a celebration mixer, right Miss Goth Halloween Dragon Girlfriend?”

“Well, Beetle Bug said I couldn’t throw a party, so that’s why I’m calling it a mixer and all, so.”

“Cool, let’s strip down to our undies and snoop around his place then.”

I mean, I just said it, right? I could hear everything and by the way, ah, I was hungry Miss In-Home Health Care Worker! Also, I clearly said no parties and a mixer is a party, so everything is cancelled! As soon as the “sleepy” pill wears off.

I mean, I’ll talk to Gia Lee about all that after my follow up exam appointment almanbahis giriş because with my current blurry vision, I was in no shape to be kicked out of my own SUV and left on the side of the road.

“Gia Lee, my vision is getting better and I’ve gotten a few glimpses of your new hair and all, so I’m really glad that there won’t be any other people around for the next few days so that I can be the first to tell you how amazing you look in your new bouncy hair and all. Right? Mm-mmm?”

“Oh, well, hey Beetle Bug, um, let’s talk about how this morning was my third time making you a morning coffee and I really think I have the hang of that now, so I’m sorry you missed all that and all.”

“Hmmm! Anyways, let’s run down the pre follow up exam checklist then.”

“Oh, cool, um, alright, do not apply at home eye drops before follow up exam, check. Um, make sure fem boy patient is wearing black hip huggers and boy shorts, check. Ooh, have the Halloween girl keep herself busy at the mall for a while, OK, pre check and finally, post photos on Chang of the after follow up exam celebration mixer, check. I mean, what?”


“LOL, don’t worry Beetle Bug, you look good sitting on the couch like a lump on a log. Anyways, well, I wasn’t snooping and all, but that project in your garage that Lockjaw has been working on for extra beer and black Denim jeans money, I mean, that must, well, I mean, that project must have my name on it, right Beetle Bug? And can it have a Baha light bar installed on it too?”

“Drive, Gia Lee. We’re late.”

“Well, I was just asking and all. Anyways, SOB, Nurse Swallows just texted a work selfie and oh my, LOL, did you ever pick a bad to have fuzzy vision and (but at least she’s a woman and all).”

“I mean, um.”

“Shush it, fem boy and enjoy the ride (but OMG, as soon as you’re healed mother fucker, pow!). Wait, I mean enjoy this ride to the clinic and all and not your bimbo attending nurse, I mean, unless they have a few more secret rec drugs for me and all.”

Well, how could I enjoy the ride when I could barely see and while every turn seemed to be at full speed and all?

“Alright Beetle Bug, we’ll be all set just as soon as you finish reading the last of the chart, so?”

“Hmm, um, oh, it’s an animal print bra with a front clasp!”

“Good boy, so, well, give these pills to your little Halloween Girlfriend and call us (me) if you think your progress isn’t coming a long and well, I have a new respect for, um, what are you, Beetle Bug?”

“Ugh, I’m just Beetle Bug (or a boy who wears the other gender clothing and all, so).

“Well, we all enjoyed you anyways, sweetie. Now re-snap Momma Swallows’ bra in the front and enjoy your blowup celebration mixer tonight.”

“Blow out! I mean, blow ups are for, well, anyways, I should go now and all then.”

“LOL, well you already came (from my still functional mature hand), so.”

Folks, I mean, well, I mean, hey, I was on follow up exam pills and all, so.


“What the hell, Gia Lee? Now I need a jaw doctor and all.”

“Oops (I mean, at least Nurse Swallows is a woman and things are going in the right direction). I mean, I just slipped as I tilting your head back for these new eye drops and all. And LOL, you have to wear these funky ass dark glasses for an hour or so, so hush it and let me take care of you, Beetle Bug (kneeling on his groin), oops.”

“And why do I hear voices and feet shuffling, Gia Lee? And why does it feel like I’m on the far side of the couch? I mean, my other senses still work, like my hearing, you know.”

“Fine, a few of the crew are happy that they will be still able to tease you about being Beetle Bug and all, so they came over to celebrate with you. And by the way, if your other senses are so extra keen, well, I wouldn’t be mad if you checked out the dress that I’m wearing with your gentle hands while I squirt these new eye drops into your eyes and all. I mean, I’m ooh la, la for you tonight, Beetle Bug.”

“Well, how ooh la, la, Gia Lee?”

“Oh, risqué ooh la, la and unless you pitch a big bitch, well, we’ll check out all of your senses later after everyone leaves.”

Well, I mean, I could feel that her dress fit like a skin on a grape and all, so. Well, I felt up her dress for a few moments before she twisted away to play the perfect host of a mixer that was not supposed to happen in the first place and all. And playing the part of the perfect host meant she end up in the kitchen sooner or later, right?

“Gia Lee, can I ask you a few questions while we’re here in the kitchen?”

Sure Lockjaw, just as long as you promise to have the Baha light bar installed on my new truck by this weekend. Anyways, fire away.”

“Well, first, is this all the beer in world in this tall silver box?”

“LOL, not quite, but not bad, right? I mean, I have access to cash now and all, so.”

“Alright, well, um, I mean, you know, um?”

“The dress? Don’t worry, I’ll never show up down at the park dressed like this, but not bad, right? Well, I’ll probably wear this cool ass star studded collar and all, but trust me, this is the only time that the crew gets a chance to, well, as Darla said, bring those naughty brain imagines into focus and all, so.”

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