From Darker Places than I Want to Feel Ch. 06

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Just a quick note to encourage you to give me some feedback after you’ve read this chapter. Feedback is the lifeblood of a writer and it only takes a minute to respond.

I first posted this story on Literotica in 2013. As always, characters in this account involved in sexual activity are above the age of eighteen and those of you under the age of consent are discouraged from reading this story due to adult language, situations, and content.

This story is more a romance than a roll in the hay, although it does happen in this chapter. So, if you’re looking for interesting characters, challenged by difficult situations, then read on.

Thanks for reading, Check out my bio page for more details about my work and me. Don’t forget to leave a comment when you’re finished, feedback is the lifeblood of any writer.

So now, enjoy From Darker Places than I Want To Feel – chapter 6.

Karma is the fuel that runs the world.


Lying on the floor of his apartment naked, Ryan slept fitfully. His mind wandered through thoughts like pages of a book flying around the room in random order. Images seemed to spill out from the pages and fill the air.

At first he saw himself sitting at his computer wondering if he should place an advertisement on Craigslist about a research project he was considering. Should he do it? What if everyone thought he was crazy or worse, stupid?

He watched his hand move the mouse cursor over to the “send” button and click okay.

The room seemed to spin and he was sitting in a café across the table from Sarah. He was holding her hands and looking into her eyes. They were moist and he didn’t understand why she was crying.

Another spin and he watched Sarah standing in a pizza place talking to two women dressed like call girls. Across the room, her sister, Anna, sat glaring at Sarah, her face contorted in distress.

The room continued to spin as random images flew at him.

He stood in a small park looking at someone dressed shabbily. The clothes hung off of her like they were two sizes too large.

His grandmother stood in front of him, crying. Standing beside her Karen, his sister, and Anna, Sarah’s sister, appeared. They both reached out with open arms.

Then he stood in a neighborhood park and watched as he hit a baseball high into the sky. Sarah’s nephews scrambled for it, running towards the bushes.

Suddenly a baseball floated at him with names scribbled across its face.

He stood in a hallway at the university watching Melissa Cavanaugh try to antagonize Sarah in his office.

He stood on a set of steps looking down at Sarah, her sister Anna, and her two boys sitting on bleachers at a baseball park watching a game.

He watched Sarah hop up onto his washing machine with a giggle. She wrapped her arms around his neck. Then she pulled him into a hug and kiss.

He watched Sarah fan her mouth after she bit into a piece of sushi dipped in soy sauce with wasabi.

He watched her sitting silently mesmerized by a play and then it morphed into a movie in war-torn Morocco.

He saw her standing in his bedroom slowly disrobing. Her breasts were magnificent. Her rigid cock was beautiful. She was stunning. She opened her arms and beckoned him to come to her.

He looked across a museum gallery and watched her stand transfixed by an artist whose work she didn’t like but she was captivated by it nonetheless.

He watched her scold him for doubting her word when she told him she read all of Moby Dick.

He watched as Sarah pressed her cock into him. He felt her thrust inside him. He felt her fill him with her seed.

Slowly the images faded and the room grew silent. The voices inside his head were finally silent as he lay on the floor.

His breathing became ragged for a moment and then he began to weep.

Hours later he drifted back to consciousness when he heard a soft knock on his front door. It was followed by another knock and then the gentle voice of Sarah’s sister Anna asking him to open up his door for her.

He sat up and looked around the room. It was a total disaster.

And then, it all came crashing back, Sarah, the blindfold, the handcuffs, the bed…the nightmare.


Anna poked her head out of the kitchen door when she heard the knock at her front door. She wiped her hands on a dishtowel and walked quickly into the living room. She looked through the spy hole to see who was standing outside of her door. She was hoping it would be Ryan but it wasn’t. The girl outside her door didn’t look like someone trying to sell her something. She definitely didn’t look like a church lady. There have been a lot of those people lately. They were all trying to sell her on their own version of religion.

She opened the door cautiously and peeked around the edge. “Yes?”

“Hi, I’m Trina Collins, Sarah’s friend from the university. Is she in?”

Anna opened her door a little more still unsure adana escort of whom this person was. “She is but she’s not feeling well.”

“Okay, well she hasn’t been to school lately. She was supposed to go shopping with me yesterday but she didn’t show so I got worried. In fact Ryan, her boyfriend, hasn’t been there for several days too. So Bill, my fiancé, and I are a little concerned that something might have happened. Bill said he missed two meetings and all his classes. He tried calling Ryan but he doesn’t answer his cellphone or his house phone.”

Anna took a big breath and smiled meekly. “Come in, come in. I’m sorry but I have to be cautious these days when strangers come to my door. I’ve been bombarded with ‘church people’ lately trying to sell me their personal brand of religion and it’s been a real pain. Please sit down. I’m Anna, Sarah’s sister.”

“Hi, it’s nice to meet you.” Trina sat down on the edge of her sofa and looked around the room.

About then two heads poked out of the hallway and stared at her.

Trina smiled at the boys. “Hello.”

Anna waved her two boys into the room. “Hey you two come in here and say hello. Trina, this is Michael and Bobby, Sarah’s nephews.

“Hello.” The boys said in unison.

Trina shook their hands and they stood awkwardly glancing from Trina to their mom.

“All right, get back to your rooms and finish your homework.” The boys scrambled back down the hallway leaving Trina and Anna to sit in silence for a moment.

Trina glanced at Anna and smiled. “So, she’s not sick is she? What’s going on?”

“Ryan had a flashback.”

“A what?”

“We call it PTSD today but it’s the same thing. He’s a Vietnam vet. Something happened and he snapped, went crazy. Sarah was there when it happened.”

“Oh God. Did he hurt her?”

“No, thank God, but she’s a mess. She believes that it was all her fault. She told me that she was never in danger, that he totally protected her, he even saw her as his comrade. But he totally snapped and she thinks it’s her fault. She’s been cooped up in her room now for two days. She won’t eat; she hasn’t talked to me since the day she came back. My boys are worried sick, too.”

“Can I see her?”

Anna stood up and gestured for Trina to follow her to the hallway. “You can try, she hasn’t wanted to see anyone.”

Trina walked past Anna down the hallway to stand at Sarah’s bedroom. She gently knocked on the door. “Sarah honey, it’s me, Trina. Can I come in?”

The door lock clicked open and Trina went inside. Bobby and Mathew peeked around their bedroom door and watched Trina disappear through Sarah’s door. They looked up to see their mother standing at the end of the hallway, crying. The boys ran to her and gave her a hug.

While Trina was in Sarah’s room Anna tried to call Ryan one more time but he wasn’t answering his phone. She looked down at her two boys. “Michael, Bobby, I want you to be big boys now. I have to go to see a friend who’s in really big trouble and I have to take you with me but I don’t want you to get out of the car. Do you understand?”

Bobby looked to his brother Michael with a worried frown. They both nodded. “What about Aunt Sarah?”

“Her friend is with her right now so she’ll be okay. Go back to your room and get your homework. I want you to finish it up in the car while I visit my friend. We won’t be gone long. Do it quietly, okay?”

“Okay,” both boys chimed quietly.

Anna walked down the hallway and tapped on Sarah’s door. A moment later Trina opened it. “Sarah, I’m going to visit Ryan. Do you want to come with me?”

“I can’t Anna, I’m scared.”


“After what I did? I’m sure he doesn’t want to see me.” She buried her face in her hands and began to cry again.

Trina walked back over and rubbed her shoulders gently. “That can’t be true Sarah, Ryan loves you. Go with your sister, she needs you to help Ryan.”

“I can’t.”

Anna nodded somberly. “I understand Sis, but I have to go to see if he’s all right. I’m taking the boys with me so you and Trina can be alone. I’ll call you if I see him and I’ll let you know how he is, okay?”

Sarah nodded as Anna turned and stepped back into the hallway.

She closed Sarah’s bedroom door and walked back into the living room where Bobby and Michael stood waiting. Together they walked down the stairs to her car in the parking lot below.

Inside Sarah’s bedroom, Trina held her in a gentle hug. “Sarah sweetheart, you need to help your sister. Ryan’s in a lot of pain right now and honestly, you’re really the only one who can make it better.”

Sarah lifted her head from Trina’s shoulder and wiped her eyes. “I know, but I’m scared that he might not want to see me, that he might hate me. You don’t know what it was like. He was so frightened, like a tiny wounded animal and yet he only thought of me and my safety. Oh God Trina, I feel so terrible. It was all my fault.”

“No, eskişehir escort it wasn’t. That fucking war was what pushed Ryan over the edge, you were just caught up in it. It’s nobody’s fault, especially not yours. Now come on, you need to help your sister help Ryan.”

“But only if you go with me.”

“Why? Do you think he’ll hurt you?”

“Oh no never, I just need someone to give me courage.”

“Okay, I’m here for you babe.”

Anna parked her car in the lot below Ryan’s apartment. She’d never been to his place before but she had his address from Sarah and she looked it up on her cellphone’s GPS. She turned around and looked at her two boys in the back seat. “Okay, I’ll just be a little bit. Stay right here and finish your homework. I’ll be checking it when I get back.”

She opened her door and stepped out onto the pavement then locked the doors with her remote as she turned towards the stairwell that led to Ryan’s apartment on the third floor.

A few minutes later she knocked on Ryan’s apartment door. It was silent. “Ryan? Please open the door.” She paused to listen but it was silent. “I’m not mad Ryan. I just want to help. Please, open the door. Ryan, please. I’ll call the landlord if I have to Ryan. Please open the door. I want to make sure you’re not hurt or bleeding.”

She heard a soft sound, like feet shuffling on a floor then she heard the lock on his door slowly unlatch. Ryan opened his door and peeked out into the hallway.

Anna stood smiling meekly. “Can I come in?”

He nodded and slowly opened his door.

Anna stood in the open doorway and looked around the room. It looked like a bomb went off in the place. The floor was littered with broken lamps and glass. There were tables and chairs piled against the window in what looked like a makeshift barricade. And there were papers strewn everywhere.

Ryan, in slippers, walked over and sat on his couch. He was unshaved and his hair was a knotted mess. From the looks of it, the bandages on his hands and feet were covering several cuts and gashes. Anna picked her way through the debris to walk across the living room floor.

She sat down next to him and gently pulled his bandaged hands into hers. It was painful to look at him. He seemed like a shell of the man she saw only a week earlier.

She explained that Sarah came home devastated and that she hadn’t been out of her room since. “It’s been several days Ryan, she’s a mess. She won’t eat; she won’t come out of her room. What happened?”

Ryan sighed then looked into Anna’s eyes. He looked so terribly sad. “We were fooling around. She said she wanted to play with some toys, you know, ‘toys’. I said okay but I didn’t have any. She told me that she did and she’d bring some next time. When I arrived home the next day she was dressed, well, it was pretty hot.”

Anna nodded, blushing slightly.

“She put a blindfold over my eyes, which was beginning to freak me out. But when she tried to tie my hands I guess I lost it and went ballistic. I totally lost it. I had no idea who she was, or who I was. I was back in ‘Nam being shoved into a tiny wooden box. It was like I was there, in the moment. The next thing I remember was I was in a firefight. I thought she was my friend Carl. He was the last one to make it out alive before we were overrun.”

Tears ran down Anna’s cheeks as she listened to his story.

“I must have pushed her out of the apartment somehow. I really don’t remember. God I’m sorry this had to happen. I must have really frightened her, I’m so sorry.” He buried his face in his bandaged hands. “Fuck, I’m a mess.”

At that moment Sarah peeked around the open front door. She slowly emerged into the doorframe. Trina stood behind her and whispered words of encouragement. Anna looked up and gestured for Sarah to come in. When Sarah entered the doorway Trina stepped back down the hall.

As Ryan looked up he saw her standing alone in his doorway. They both paused a moment and looked at one another, then, as if it was choreographed, but it wasn’t, they collided together in the center of the living room hugging each other with all their might.

Trina stepped into the doorway and motioned for Anna to leave. Anna, with tears in her eyes, slipped out the door and gently closed it behind her.

Ryan held her tightly. “I’m so-o-o sorry, Sarah.”

“I’m sorry too, I should have known better. You told me about it but I just ignored it. God, I’m sorry sweetheart.” She smothered him in kisses, holding him like her life depended on it.

“I’m fucked up, my love, totally fucked up. My head is a total mess. I was hoping that I had put that all behind me. I’m such a fucking mess.”

Sarah continued to kiss and caress him. “Don’t worry about it, I love you, it doesn’t matter.” She pulled him into a hug and gently rocked him. “I don’t need blindfolds and cuffs to make love to you, sweetheart. All I need is you in my arms.” She held his face in her sakarya escort hands and kissed him tenderly. “My God, I love you.”

It was nearly midnight when they woke up from their nap. Sarah and Ryan spent most of the day cleaning his apartment, trying to restore the order that became chaos in a matter of minutes four days earlier.

Ryan gazed around the living room; Sarah began to transform his utilitarian world, to soften it. It wasn’t much, but soon she would remake his world, softer, gentler. It was a woman’s touch that would change the apartment, Ryan recognized it, and he’d seen it before when Teresa was alive. A woman’s touch, it’s a simple thing really, something to soften the barren nature of reality. A fire, now glowing softly, brought a cozy warmth to the cold apartment.

“Sarah, I’m so sorry…”

“Shush, sweetheart. It will never happen again. We’ll both make sure of it.”

Weeks later, when he opened his eyes, he slowly looked around the room, again. Scented candles and simple decorative pillows replaced the clutter of magazines and newspapers that had dominated the room before he met her.

He knew that the rest of his apartment was transformed as well. Little knick-knacks, more decorative than practical, dotted the counter-tops in the kitchen and bathroom. She added decorative pillows on the bed and curtains on the windows. Over the months she had slowly transformed the place, adding comfort and charm where before there was only a sense of bland utility and order. The thought made him smile.

He was thankful because she was here, with him, lying by his side sleeping peacefully. She snuggled closer as he brushed a lock of her hair out of her eyes and marveled at her beauty.

He remembered a lecture that he gave last month when he asked the members of his human relations class two simple questions.

“Aside from the biological need to procreate, why do women put up with men? And, conversely, why do men put up with women? These are two simple questions but if you really think about it, they are far more profound than you might suspect if you go below the surface.”

The class fell silent for several minutes before a woman raised her hand in the back of the room.

“Meghan, go ahead.”

“I think men put up with women because women show men the beauty that lies around them in the world.”

Ryan stood up and walked around his desk to the blackboard to jot the answer down. “And what about the other question?” Meghan shook her head and the classroom was once again silent until a freckled-faced boy with wire-rimmed glasses raised his hand. “Yes, Thomas?”

“I think women put up with men because men ground women when their flights of fancy bring them too close to the sun.”

“Flights of fancy?”

“You know, when their thoughts, or ideas, or dreams need to be grounded in some type of reality. Supportive men don’t dash their dreams, they listen and then they find a solid foundation to anchor them.”

Ryan nodded as he finished writing the second statement on the blackboard. “I suppose the difficulty for both men and women, if we follow these suppositions, are for either of them to find the right one, man or woman, to hear and respond, to show either beauty or a solid foundation.”

“And to speak of ideas that the listener would find worth working towards,” Meghan replied softly.

“Perhaps. It’s an interesting thought, thank you Meghan, Thomas.”

The images of the classroom faded as Ryan glanced back down at his slumbering girlfriend. She was made more beautiful by the flickering warm glow of the firelight. “She lets me see the beauty in the world,” he murmured softly running his fingers through her soft hair.

“And you let me feel safe enough to show it to you, my love.” Sarah rolled over and stretched. Her arms enveloped him into a cuddle as he bent down to kiss her gently on the lips.

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. “I love you Sarah Daniels, with all my heart.”

“I love you Ryan Sullivan, with all my heart too.”

“Are you sleepy?”

“I might be after a snack. Is there any of that wine left?”

“I think so. If not, I’ll open another.” He stood up and padded softly in stocking feet into the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of white wine along with a plate of sliced cheese and some summer sausage.

Sarah followed him into the kitchen and pulled out a box of snack crackers and two wine glasses. She arranged the crackers on the cheese plate and brought a cutting board out from behind the toaster. Together they carried the wine, glasses, and snacks to the coffee table by the fireplace. Then they sat down on the pillows again and snuggled close.

Sarah sighed and leaned against Ryan’s chest. “I love this, being here with you like this. I feel so safe here, so wonderfully peaceful.”

She lifted her glass and together they toasted a new beginning. “To us, la chiem.”

Ryan leaned around to look her in the face. “Are you Jewish?”

“No, I just like the saying, ‘To Life’.”

“So do I.” He raised his glass again. “La chiem.”

Saturday arrived and once again, almost like a habit, Ryan and Sarah sat watching the boys scramble back and forth with a soccer ball, each trying to better the other with fancy footwork.

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