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“Jennifer, where’s your tent?”
My dad was standing in the bed of his truck moving all the camping supplies around. It was late Friday morning and we had just arrived at the makeshift campground adjacent to the venue where a three day music festival was taking place.
I’m not sure who originally came up with the idea to camp at the venue instead of staying at a hotel, because none of us seemed thrilled. We weren’t a camping family. I had to go out and buy a tent just for the occasion. But, my parents raised us on rock and roll so we all shared a love for the music and were apparently willing to do anything.
“I’m not sure, Dad. Luke moved the stuff from my car to yours.”
I glanced at my brother where he was setting up his own sleeping accommodations. He had a smirk on his face, but he didn’t look at us.
“I don’t see it.” My dad put his hands on his hips and looked around, puzzled.
“Oh shit, did I forget to grab it?” Luke asked. He still didn’t look up from his task which is a shame because I was glaring at him hard enough to burn a hole through his skull.
“It’s ok,” my mom said, effectively reading my murderous vibe. “Just have Kevin drive to the house and bring it with him tomorrow. Or buy a different one if he doesn’t want to go out of his way.”
Luke’s smirk faded and the muscles of his jaw clenched. I ignored it and shot off a quick text to my husband. He couldn’t get the day off to come with us for Friday’s shows, but he planned to meet up with us first thing Saturday.
Kevin was less thrilled about the camping than all of us combined. He liked the music to some extent but hated crowds so this weekend was akin to torture for him. I’d begged him to come so I wouldn’t have to tag along with my parents all weekend. It was that, or be alone. Luke and I didn’t spend time together.
When Kevin didn’t answer right away, I put my phone in my back pocket and started helping my mother.
“You did that on purpose,” I hissed, alone with my brother inside the venue. Mom and Dad wandered off towards a side stage, but I wanted to hurry in to get close to the main stage.
“Did I?” His smirk was back. My glare hadn’t left.
“You did.”
I stomped off toward the gathered crowd and took my place at the edge, even as more concert goers filtered in after us. Luke was still hovering nearby.
As the crowd continued to thicken, he stepped up behind me. Our bodies weren’t touching but I could feel his warm breath close enough to ruffle my hair.
“I can’t figure out why you think I would do that?” His voice was whisper quiet in my ear. “I won’t be able to hookup with a hot chick if my ‘sister’ is sharing my tent.”
He emphasized the word sister like it was profane. And between us, it was. The stab of jealousy I felt thinking that Luke might use that weekend, the atmosphere, to hookup with someone pierced through my stomach so unexpectedly I wanted to double over.
I’d put a stop to our indiscretions almost two years before when things with Luke became so intense I thought it would ruin one of us or our whole family. Sharing an apartment hours away from the house we grew up in had turned our innocent relationship into a scandalous one. A secret one that meant we only had each other. I couldn’t ask anyone’s advice or vent with my friends about my infuriating boyfriend, because he was my brother.
Kevin had been a friend from my internship. My supervisor’s assistant, actually. I was agitated a lot towards the end and he offered to let me move in with him if things with my roommate were bad. He didn’t even know I was living with a man, much less my older brother, whom I’d also been sleeping with. I jumped at the opportunity and our relationship quickly morphed from friends to lovers and then one day, it was just decided we were going to get married. Less than a year after leaving my brother, we were.
Luke stopped taking my calls once I moved out of our apartment. He said maybe ten words to me at holidays. He didn’t come to my wedding or my graduation. I’d decided if he wanted to act like a child, I didn’t need to concern myself with him. And now he was playing games. Games that shouldn’t have an affect on me, but they absolutely did.
“Maybe you’ll have the tent to yourself tonight and I’ll find someone else to sleep with. I mean, somewhere else to sleep.”
I turned my body enough to look back at him, but he was watching the stage.
“That’d be fine with you, right?”
“Of course.” Something was wrong with my voice. It sounded like I swallowed sand paper.
Everyone around us suddenly started cheering as the first band appeared. Luke looked down at me and nodded towards the stage. “You’re going to miss the show.”
I turned back around but missed watching the entire set anyway. I was too aware of my anger, my surpise at feeling it, and the aura of Luke’s presence behind me.
Things got pretty wild after that. It was a music festival, afterall. Hard rock. Heavy metal. Mosh pits. Crowd surfers. Sweaty bodies. Kıbrıs Escort Spilled drinks. Flashed tits. And through it all, my brother, who hated my guts, stayed glued to my side.
It was a short day of music, but by the time it was dark and the headliner was on stage, I was exhausted while the energy around me was at its highest.
The crowd moved like one entity, pushed and shoved in waves that originated far away from where we actually stood. It was a hard fight just to stay upright. Luke’s arms came around me.
“You ok?”
I nodded since talking was an exercise in reading lips anyway.
He scanned my face and must have disagreed. “Up ya go,” he said, suddenly hoisting my body into the air.
Hands from all around us grabbed at me and I started moving. Unable to stay upright, I laid my body down and stopped fighting it. I was terrified I’d be dropped and hit the hard cement under everyone’s feet, but there were so many people to cushion my fall.
I was tossed around, rolled, like an unmoored buoy in an endless sea of people. I was dizzy and drunk off the bright lights that flashed and spun in my ever changing field of vision. It was surreal, exciting, and by the time hard hands grabbed at me and lifted me over the barrier just feet from the lead singer, I was smiling.
“Get going.” A man over a foot taller than me pointed toward the side of the crowd.
I made my way along the barrier, wondering where Luke was, if I should find him or feel relieved to be separated from him. I tried not to wonder who he would shadow now that he was rid of me and his self appointed title of bodyguard.
It felt good to be out of the mass of bodies though. Cool night air finally reached my skin, replacing the humidity of strangers’ sweat. Based on the time, I figured the show was about over and I should just casually make my way back to the tents though I was a little nervous to be alone.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and checked the reply from Kevin.
Kevin: Hey babe, hope you’re enjoying yourself. Our client’s aren’t satisfied with the latest mock up so the team needs to start from scratch.
Kevin: They need me tomorrow. I’m really sorry. I’m hoping I can still meet you guys Sunday morning.
Kevin: Ok, well don’t have too much fun.
I didn’t have a chance to figure out how I felt. Arms suddenly wrapped around me from behind and lifted me off my feet. I yelped in surprise, but I wasn’t afraid. My body seemed to recognize his.
“That was fucking awesome!” Luke called over the music.
He didn’t put me down, instead carrying me along the side barrier of the crowd, jostling me in his arms, until we were back to wide open space several yards from the stragglers in the rear.
It was crazy how much quieter it was. My ears were ringing though and Luke sounded like his head was in a bucket.
“What’s wrong?”
I pasted a smile on my face. “Nothing.”
He stared at me for a second before asking, “Ok, well what do you want to do?”
“I was just going to head back to camp.”
“I’ll come with you.”
He moved around me and started walking. I jogged to catch up, thinking about his threats to hookup. At least they’d sounded like threats to me, but it could’ve been my imagination.
“You don’t have to.”
“I know that.”
“Then why are you?”
He stopped walking and looked down at me.
“Would you rather be alone?”
Would I?
I swallowed the imaginary thing blocking my throat. “No, not necessarily, I just didn’t think you’d want to spend time with me. I’m a little surprised you stayed with me that whole time.” I motioned back towards the crowd.
His laughter came out as a huff. “Seriously?”
I had no idea why he was irritated. “Um, yes?”
He was on me before I knew what was happening. His body was pressed against mine and he put one arm around my waist one around my shoulders to pull me in even closer.
“I want to spend every second with you.”
I hadn’t heard that tone from him in a long time. It was the way he spoke to me when he wanted me to stop over thinking. It was also the voice he used when he moved slow inside me. I answered as breathless as when he use to move inside me at any pace. “What?”
“I would love to be alone with you, but I’d put up with thousands of strangers around us every day if it meant you were with me. Only me. Not just in my presence while you stand next to that sack of shit you married.”
“Luke…”
“Shut it, Jen. He’s a sack of shit. He saw an opportunity and he pounced on it and you let him.”
I wasn’t sure where he got his information since he rarely spoke to me, but I really wasn’t looking forward to admitting Kevin wouldn’t be joining us tomorrow as planned.
“Thanks to Mom, I know he works all the time. And thanks to you, I know he doesn’t let you be you. Hell, he probably doesn’t even know the real you.”
I thought back to Kevin’s texts. ‘Don’t have too much fun,’ he’d said. But that Magosa Escort was probably a joke.
“I’m willing to bet, at most, he gives you five minutes of missionary twice a week before rolling over and passing out while you finish yourself off.”
I looked around us, embarrassed, but no one was paying attention. Why were we talking about this right then? At all?
“More often than not, he probably eats the dinners you cook and falls asleep in a chair before 9 pm. Am I right?”
I didn’t answer him. I could feel the heat under the skin of my cheeks and the tingle around my nose as my eyes became damp.
“But that’s safe, right?” He gave me another huff of pseudo laughter. “Marrying an older guy you’re not even that attracted to because you’re scared of me.”
I started to shake my head but all that did was make a few tears finally fall, so I stopped. “I’m not scared of you.”
“You are.”
“I’m not.”
“Good. Then you won’t be scared when I tell you that I absolutely left your fucking tent in the trunk of your car so you’d be forced to sleep in mine with me and maybe just maybe I could remind you how much you like what I do to you with my fingers, my tongue, and my cock.”
I’d stopped breathing somewhere around ‘what I do.’ “We can’t.”
His hand at my shoulders slid up into my hair. “We can.” His face moved in closer.
“I’m married, Luke.”
“Barely.”
“I’m happy.”
“You’re comfortable. Don’t get confused. We fought as hard as we fucked and all of it scared the shit out of you because I can hurt you. He can’t. And he can’t hurt you because you don’t. Fucking. Love. Him.”
I pulled out of his hold and swiped angrily at the traitorous tears that had escaped my eyes. “I’m going back. Don’t follow me. We’re not doing this.”
I turned and started walking away.
“Wake up, sis!” He called after me. There was laughter in his voice. The kind that only a big brother could use on his little sister. “You might feel brave right now, but you’re just the bravest little chicken shit that ever lived.”
I made it back to our tents without incident. People, probably drunk, had called out greetings to me, but for the most part the atmosphere was friendly and everyone left me alone. It didn’t seem like my parents were back but I was not stupid enough to curiously approach their zipped up tent at a music festival just to find out.
I gathered what I needed from my bag and hit the small community bathroom. There were no showers but I made the most of the hot, running water before brushing my teeth and walking back to the tent in sweats and a tshirt.
I left my clothes outside to air out and got into my brother’s tent. Part of me hoped he wouldn’t show up. Part of me desperately wanted him to.
Despite the noise of nearby partiers and the raging thoughts in my head, I fell asleep easily.
When next I opened my eyes, the walls of the tent glowed with outside light. I could hear Luke lightly snoring behind me and everything he said the night before came rushing back.
I carefully rolled over and watched him sleep. He was on his back, one arm behind his head, the other was at his side, but bent so that his hand rode the rise and fall of his belly as he breathed.
Luke was three years older than me and God, he’d tortured me growing up. Up until the last couple of years of high school, after he’d graduated and moved away to college. A college I later attended as well. When he’d come home on breaks, he would still tease me, but it became more about how pretty I was and how many hearts I was breaking or how many guys he was going to have to beat up.
When I joined him at college, I lived with him but his girlfriend did too. Something our mom and dad never knew. It seemed like they fucked constantly. Kim was loud no matter when or where they did it. She was still living with us the first time he kissed me.
We argued that day. It was so stupid, I don’t even remember why, but it happened in the kitchen while Kim was gone. It lasted awhile and turned into him griping about nearly everything I did.
“Stop treating me like a child!” I screamed. “I’m a grown woman.”
“You don’t act like it, but trust me Jen, it hasn’t escaped my attention.” Then his eyes scanned my body.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
One minute we were screaming at each other and the next I was pushed into the refrigerator with him at my front grabbing my face and forcing my lips open with his tongue. I would be lying if I said I’d never thought of him that way. He was the most gorgeous guy I’d ever seen and I’d spent almost a year listening to him have sex. Of course I thought about it.
There was no comparison though. Daydream Luke was a chump compared to real Luke. And real Luke probably didn’t know what it was like to fumble around trying for 10 minutes to unhook a bra or sneeze in a girl’s face going in for a kiss or come while a girl unbuttoned his pants. The boy who took my virginity knew Girne Escort all about each of those things.
I could feel how hard he was the second he kissed me so I knew it’d been building while we fought. I didn’t understand it, but I liked it. And no, Kevin and I never fought. He’d also never kissed me like that. Almost every kiss from Luke was like the first one.
He’d groaned into my mouth that day, up against that refrigerator and my insides clenched. I felt like I was on a roller coaster, flying fast, out of breath, wanting something that I couldn’t have even known waited around the next curve.
My hands gripped his forearms where they pushed into my shoulders and that was fine. But when one of my palms slid up and I dipped under his short sleeve to feel his flexed bicep he jumped back.
“Fuck.” It came out so quietly compared to our previous yelling and the roar inside my own head.
Then he walked away. I heard his keys jingle and waited for the door to slam, but it didn’t. It made a barely perceptible snick as he closed it gently. I didn’t see him for three days after that.
I would learn later that he’d gone to the store where Kim worked and intercepted her before she could come home. They both stayed gone and when she came back a day earlier than he did, it was to pack up her things.
“Why did Kim leave?” I hovered in the doorway of his room where he sat at his laptop with his head in one hand.
I’d startled him, but he recovered quickly. “Because I asked her to.”
“You didn’t tell…”
“No, of course not.”
He looked back to his screen and left me standing there awkwardly. I wanted to say something, but I didn’t know where to start. In hindsight, I think I wanted to ask for another kiss.
“Go to bed, Jen.” But he was back to treating me like a child.
Four nights later, he’d climbed in bed with me while I slept. It was similar to the way I woke up in the tent. He was close, but not crowding. The difference was I’d woken him up that morning by yelling at him. Asking incredulously what the hell he thought he was doing in my bed.
He’d grabbed me and rolled over on top of me before kissing me again. My anger melted away immediately and I expressed that by fisting his hair and meeting the thrusts of his tongue with my own.
He found my naked sex under the blankets and long tshirt I wore and brushed his fingertips through my folds.
“Fuck, Jen. You’re already wet for me.”
The covers were thrown off the bed. He rolled onto his back, taking me with him. His strong hands squeezed my hips and he pulled me up his body, knocking me off balance.
I steadied myself by clutching the headboard and gasped when I realized what he was doing.
“Need to taste you,” he mumbled, settling my knees on either side of his head. He swiped his tongue through my crease and I cried out.
I’d had sex twice. I’d never been eaten out and I’d certainly never sat on someone’s face. I had no clue what to do. Turns out, I didn’t have to do anything. He made me come so hard my screams rivaled Kim’s. I always thought she was being dramatic, but no. Luke was just that good.
My face was practically against the bedroom wall. I had no idea he was jerking himself off while he licked and sucked my pussy. When I finally twisted my body and fell back to the bed, he had lines of thick white cum decorating his stomach.
I reached for my phone trying not to disturb him. No messages.
Luke’s sleepy voice filled the tent. “What time is it?”
“Just after six.”
Everything was quiet. Late night partiers were no doubt still sleeping. Luke was no longer breathing heavily. The silence was uncomfortable.
I risked a glance in his direction. He was watching me. I was grateful he couldn’t read my mind or he would know I’d been reminiscing.
“What is it? You have that line out again.”
When I was deep in thought, a crease formed between my eyebrows. Luke always said it was bad news whenever he spotted it.
“What did you do last night?”
It was absolutely none of my business and I wanted to punch myself for asking. He should’ve given me a hard time about it. That’s what the brother I remembered would’ve done. Instead, he answered like it was easy between us. It had never been that.
“I came back here.”
I waited for more. Nothing came. “That’s it?”
“Yes. I followed you. Hung back, made sure you were safe. Built a fire when you went to sleep.”
I suddenly felt like a horrible bitch. “Luke…” I didn’t know what to say.
“What time is Kevin gracing us with his presence?”
I felt my face fall and a chill slid through me.
Before I could answer, Luke sat up. “Are you fucking kidding me?” He threw the blankets off his body and crawled towards the zippered exit. Before he left, he spun around and pointed at me. “He’s a sack of shit, Jennifer.”
I didn’t see Luke again until my parents and I were walking to the venue. He just magically appeared, falling in step with us. He looked good. Really good. I figured he must’ve returned to the tent for fresh clothes when the rest of us went to breakfast.
“Do you have sunblock, Son?”
I heard him chuckle beside me. “Yeah, Ma.”
Our folks split off again just after we flashed our armbands to the attendant.
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