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As Alex lay awake in the darkness, he thought about his life. He thought about the paradoxical nature of his world, how it seemed so complicated and at the same time so simple.He lay in the darkness on the living room sofa, his bed for the past four years, while twenty-five feet to the east, his ex-wife occupied the former marital bed. She could spread out her arms and roll over in her sleep, but Alex was limited to barely stretching out his full height and keeping his arms tight to his body on the narrow, cushioned space he called his own.It had been his choice to move out to the sofa, after years of distance and years of being isolated, the reality that his marriage had ended made him uncomfortable and unwilling to share a bed with the mother of his child. In truth, he felt nothing at all toward her, not love and not hatred, not affection and not even animosity. She was simply there, and any intimacy they had once shared was but a distant memory. She was the mother of their child together, and she had once been the woman he vowed to be with, until death. Life has a funny way of getting in the way of plans, and ideals become foolish fantasies.It was for the best, and Alex made the best of his twelve square feet of space each night. Better to be alone, he thought, than to share a bed with a stranger, and that was what she had become to him. He felt no resentment. He felt nothing.Complicated. Separated but sharing the same roof. Transitioning in his career, he barely could pay the rent for one roof, let alone move out and pay for two. Now he was an entrepreneur as well as being a father, as well as being a son to a widowed elderly parent. He barely had the time to do any one of these things, let alone all of them, and it left little or no time for Alex to be a man, to have his own identity and his own life. Complicated. But it was the twenty-first century and complicated seemed to be the way of the modern world. It makes all of us jugglers in a circus.Somehow in the darkness, however, complicated Kadıköy Escort became simple, and there was the paradox. This night it was quiet. His ex wasn’t snoring, or if she was, he didn’t hear it through the closed bedroom door. His child was fast asleep, the teenage tendency to have headphones loud enough that they could be heard at a distance was now silenced by sleep. Not a creature was stirring, and the only mice belonged to various computers, also long since silenced by the night.Simple, he thought. Alone, but simple. Just himself and the darkness and the quiet.It wasn’t complete darkness. Everything has a price. When he exchanged the marital bedroom for the separation of the living room, he traded opaque shades for sheer curtains. The light from outside leaked in to his space, and turned darkness into a relative term. If he wanted darkness, real darkness, he had to close his eyes. He had to close them, and roll onto his left side so that he faced the back of the sofa, which also blocked some of the light. The darkness was not complete, so if he opened his eyes, he could still see the dining room to his right and the rest of the living room around him.Simple. He closed his eyes, and darkness surrounded him. A simple problem and a simple solution. Why complain, he thought, and make life complicated? If he closed his eyes, he created his own sanctuary of darkness. He was alone.That was hours ago. Alex had slept, and in the cool air of his living room, he had instinctively rolled himself up in his duvet, like a tightly wound burrito, and he slept in that insulated cocoon for most of the night.It was still too early for him to get up, but he awoke from his snug slumber at around three in the morning. The down-filled duvet had created a warm place for him, and as a result, he had been sweating in his sleep. As he awoke in the darkness, he was aware of the sweat and his pyjama bottoms and t-shirt were soaked through.Simple. He unrolled himself Kadıköy Escort Bayan from his cocoon and pulled off his t-shirt. Simple. Nobody else would be awake for hours, so he had time to evaporate in some semblance of privacy.Complicated. As alone as he was in his physical space, he was not alone in his head space. His mind wandered to the events of the past day, and his mind wandered to the last face he had seen before retiring to his sofa for the night. It had not been anyone in his apartment – they had been asleep for some time when Alex made his way back home at midnight and crawled into his small space. He had been with Daphne and had made the fifteen-minute drive home at midnight.Complicated. Labels never defined Alex, at least not in his own mind. Married? As far as he was concerned, he had not been married for years. A separation agreement and a divorce application filed with the court, and it was just a matter of time before the legal labels would be changed. Married? Separated? Divorced? The laws, whether of the land in which he lived, or even the laws of God, if He or She even existed or even cared – it was the law that gave labels. But what of one’s own law? What about the man inside that shell? Did it not matter that his wife had abandoned the marital vows years ago, that she had withdrawn and left him alone and without any intimacy or compassion? Did it not matter that for four years she had been content to see Alex sleep on twelve square feet of upholstered living room furniture while she assumed full occupancy of a bed? Did it not matter that for years before that, she was content to have Alex as nothing more than a role player, a provider, chauffeur, handyman, cook, cleaner, and so on, rather than as a partner?Alex was alone in his heart and in his mind, regardless of how society defined him or which labels were given to him. So he sought to build a new role for himself, seeking out new connections with new people. He knew Escort Kadıköy that whatever he had, he would have to acquire on his own. Friends. Business. Hope. All of them were works in progress on his shopping list for a new life.Daphne. Complicated and simple. Online dating, and maybe the timing was bad, with life being in transition, but Daphne was an instant complication and an instant simplicity. It would take hours, days and perhaps a lifetime for him to explain just how complicated it all was and would be, but the simplicity was love at first sight. A cliché, for sure, but even a cliché has a basis in reality. Alex loved Daphne from the moment he met her, and no amount of complication could alter that simple fact.The sex had been incendiary from the start. It was hot. It was intimate. It was the type of chemistry that defied explanation. Every step of the way, though, the sex mirrored the feelings. Against the advice of her friends, Daphne had caught a bad case of feelings from the start. Alex was no different. It was more than just love. It was a case of feeling, of knowing, that the missing pieces of the puzzle for each of them could be found in the other. Damn those feelings, each one could say. The timing was really bad, both would agree, with Alex not yet independent of his situation, and at the same time, Daphne had her own issues to deal with. A lifetime, Alex thought, to explain the complications. But the feelings were very simple. They seemed destined to be together, even with all the hiccups and all the minutiae of navigating through the complications.Despite the feelings and the chemistry, they still hurt one another. Not intentionally. But it hurt each of them when they were intimate, and Alex then had to assume the role of the departing lover. When he turned back into a frog at midnight and had to return to his twelve square feet in a home where he really did not feel at home. It hurt each of them, with feelings of jealousy and of frustration and of invisibility. Daphne did not want to be the mistress and in her eyes, Alex was still a married man. Alex did not want Daphne to be a mistress either, and while in his eyes he had not been in a marriage for years, he understood how the world saw his life. He understood the labels. And he understood the hurt.Complicated.
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